were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
