I faked an abortion last night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize