all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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