I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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