shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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