Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
