there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
