I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
