I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
