Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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