he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
