Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
