a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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