He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize