why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
