Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
