And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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