you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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