I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
