I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
