i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
