we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
