It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
