The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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