a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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