How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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