I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
