The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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