Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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