you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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