Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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