I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
