i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
