i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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