I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
