Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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