I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
