I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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