dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
