I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
