I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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