I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
