We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
