you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They took my balls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
