She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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