Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
