I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think my moral compass just broke
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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