go do what you do best...puke behind churches
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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