My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
