The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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