I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
