Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
