just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
