your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
