I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
