I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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