a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
