i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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