Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
...so i touched it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
