ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
