it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
