My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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