you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
