I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can't just leave with hair like that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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