You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
