I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
