P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
