2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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