Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
