God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
