Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
