I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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