Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
