Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
