My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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