Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
