How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
