I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
